Twelfth Night! Uzumaki Style!
by Firebreathing Ghost
Summary: Shakespeare's classic, starring characters from Kishimoto's classic. Can this fanauthor pull it off? BELIEVE IT!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything from the Naruto/ Twelfth Night universes.

I know I cast Tenten for a boy's part. She's one of my favourite characters, and I wanted her to play a more major-ish role in the story. Shakespeare didn't write in enough girls. So she plays a part where the gender doesn't matter _too_ much. You'll get used to it. It's not like I cast her as Orsino or Sebastian.

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**Dramatis Personæ:**

Duke Orsino- **Uzumaki Naruto**

Viola - **Hyuga Hinata**

Sebastian- **Hyuga Neji**

Antonio - **Tenten**

Lady Olivia- **Haruno Sakura**

Malvolio- **Rock Lee**

Maria- **Yamanaka Ino**

Sir Toby Belch- **Akimichi Chouji**

Sir Andrew Aguecheek- **Nara Shikamaru**

Valentine (Orsino's servant)- **Uchiha Sasuke**

Curio (Orsino's other servant)- **Konohamaru**

Fabian (Olivia's servant)- **Aburame Shino**

Feste/ Clown (Olivia's other servant)- **Inuzuka Kiba**

Minor characters will be played by other people from Naruto.

* * *

**Act I Scene I**

Duke Naruto of Konoha entered a brightly lit room, his loyal servant Konohamaru and other Konohan Jounins following him. A whole orchestra was playing romantic love music inside. Naruto flopped down onto a beanbag couch, and surveyed the musicians.

"Music! Bleah! Boring! I'm so bored! I want something to do! Isn't that baka Sasuke back yet? Go see if he's back, Konohamaru!" Naruto commanded.

"Right, Duke Naruto!" replied Konohamaru.

Just then, Naruto's not-so-loyal servant Sasuke entered the room.

"So? What'd Lady Sakura say, Baka?" Naruto demanded rudely.

"She said the same thing as always. She's not ready for a relationship, she's still mourning for her lost hair," Sasuke sighed, resenting his job. "And I'd rather you didn't send me over there again. Her maid keeps groping me. I also request that you stop calling me Baka. I've got a name, and it's Sasuke."

"Pffffffttt! What are you gonna do about it, Baka? I'm your boss! I'm so much better than you! Baka!" Naruto taunted.

Sasuke started his Sharingan. Naruto jumped up.

"Is that a challenge I smell? YOU ARE SO ON!" he yelled, "I'LL BEAT YOU TO A PULP IN A SECOND YOU BAKA!"

Konohamaru sweatdropped. "Duke Naruto, calm down."

Sasuke stared at Naruto like he was an idiot. Which he was right then. "Okay…I'll be going to bed now … whatever ridiculous order you have for me can wait until tomorrow…"

With that, the servant who hated his job exited.

Naruto still screamed at his servant, "YOU ARE SO DEAD TOMORROW!" After a while, he tired of it, and spoke to Konohamaru. "Actually, I'm kinda tired too. I'm going to bed. Go get my bath and ramen ready, will you?"

"Right! Sir, yes sir!" Konohamaru saluted him, and they both left the room.


	2. Chapter 2: Act 1 Scene 2

**Act I Scene II**

Six figures were drying off on the coast of Konoha. They were Hinata and the Straw Hat Crew. They had been caught in a terrible storm, and had made an emergency landing in Konoha. The Straw Hat Crew was attempting to dry the possessions they were able to salvage. Hinata, who wasn't able to save anything, shook the water out of her hair, and turned to Captain Luffy.

"Do you know where we are?"

"No idea!" Luffy grinned.

"According to my map, we're in Konoha." Nami read her navigational charts. "The ruler's name is Duke Naruto. I heard he's always chasing after the local beauty, Lady Sakura."

"And no wonder! She's such a beauty!" Sanji rubbed his hands together gleefully. "She's a noble maiden, the daughter of a great Jounin who died a year ago."

"I guess we should stay here. The ship's a wreck." Hinata said. "My poor cousin Neji. Do you think he's still alive?"

"We're lucky we're still alive." Zolo told her.

"Don't worry, Hinata! I saw Neji float away on a piece of the ship!" Luffy assured her.

"I think I'll go get a job from Lady Sakura." Luffy's words made Hinata feel better.

"No good. She won't see anyone, she's mourning over the loss of her hair." Sanji said. "I don't blame her! Her hair was so beautiful!"

"Here's a wig and some men's clothes. You can pretend you're a guy and go work for Naruto." Usopp handed Hinata the aforementioned items. "I heard he's really stupid, so it might work."

"Um… thanks?" Hinata held the wig and men's clothes. "Are you going to stay here, too?"

"Nope! We'll steal that ship and go to the Grand Line!" Luffy pointed at a large, empty boat docked next to theirs. "Good luck, Hinata!" He, Zolo, Nami, Usopp and Sanji quickly boarded it, and steered away, off to have an adventure similar to Shakespeare's "The Tempest".

Hinata changed and put on the wig. She entered Konoha, ready to give Usopp's idea a shot. She got some directions and reached Duke Naruto's palace safe and sound. A guard stopped Hinata at the gate.

"What is your business here?" he asked.

"My name is Hinato and I'm here to apply for a job."

* * *

**Note:** I know the Straw Hat Crew isn't in Naruto, but I couldn't think of anybody better.

"Hinato"- I know. Lame. I couldn't think of anything better for that either.


	3. Chapter 3: Act 1 Scene 3

Act I Scene III 

Sir Chouji and Ino were in the basement entertainment center in Lady Sakura's house. Lady Sakura was Chouji's cousin and Ino's boss. Chouji had invited himself and a guest to stay over.

"What's up with Sakura?" Chouji asked. "Why's she so pissy?"

"Be glad she puts up with you, Chouji," replied Ino. "You eat so much and stay up so late, I'd have kicked you out a long time ago."

"She's still sad about her hair, isn't she?" asked Chouji.

"I don't blame her," replied Ino. "She lost both her parents last year, and now the bad haircut! You can totally see her huge forehead. I fixed it a little for her, though, so she looks a little better."

"She sure doesn't look like she feels better," said Chouji.

"That's because you eat too much and stay up too late." Ino pointed out. "Since you're a guest, it would save as all some grief if you toned it down a bit."

"Never!" Chouji yelled. "I live to party!"

"I'm warning you. Lady Sakura's not happy. And she's especially upset with your baka friend that you brought in to court her." Ino said.

"Who, Shikamaru?" Chouji grinned. "Putting the moves on her already, eh? He's as good as anyone else in Konoha."

"You've obviously never met Duke Naruto's servant, Sasuke." Ino got a dreamy look on her face. "Sasuke totally beats Shikamaru in everything hands down! Shikamaru is a stupid, drunk, whining idiot!"

"Hey, watch it. Here he comes," Chouji warned her.

"Walking downstairs is so troublesome." Sir Shikamaru complained. "Hi Chouji."

Chouji greeted Shikamaru back. Ino made a contemptuous sound. Shikamaru turned to her.

"Who're you?"

"This is Ino, Lady Sakura's chamber-maid." Chouji told him.

"Yo." Shikamaru opened the fridge and rooted around. He took out a can of beer. He flopped down on the couch, flipped on the TV, and opened his beer.

"Ugh! You are so annoying!" Ino exclaimed, and left the room.

Chouji got a beer as well and sat down beside Shimakaru. They watched TV in silence.

"So? What do you think of my cousin?" asked Chouji.

"Courting her is such a pain." Shikamaru replied. "She's always crying about her hair. You'd _think_ the fact that it'll grow back will make her stop crying, but _noooo_ it _doesn't _and she's just such a pain!"

"But you like her, don't you?" asked Chouji.

"She is really pretty, kind and rich." Shikamaru stroked his chin. "But I've got no chance. Duke Naruto likes her, too. This is so bothersome. I might as well leave."

"No, no, no, no!" Chouji said. "Come on! Don't be so hard on yourself! You have so many things Naruto doesn't! Like, for example, a brain that works!"

"You're right…" Shikamaru nodded. "Okay. I'll stay for one more month. I'm sort of broke right now, anyway."

"Sweet!" exclaimed Chouji, going over to the fridge and returning with an armload of food. "Let's eat! To freeloading!"

"To freeloading!" Shikamaru exclaimed, and they turned the stereo up full blast. They stayed up till the wee hours dancing and drinking. Somewhere upstairs, Ino sharpened her kunai, swearing she'd get them back the next morning…


	4. Chapter 4: Act 1 Scene 4

**Act I Scene IV**

Hinata and Sasuke were waiting for Duke Naruto. He had told them that he had a mission for them. It was Hinata's third day working for Naruto. In her men's clothes and wig of long black hair, Hinata had completely fooled everyone into thinking she was a guy. Naruto had grown quite fond of her. Hinatawas quite fond of Naruto, too.

"So, Hinato. Naruto really likes you, huh?" Sasuke told her.

"Oh… you really think so?" Hinata blushed.

"Well, yeah. You've been here three days, and he's already moving you up to an A Rank mission."

"An A Rank mission?" asked Hinata, "How do you know?"

Sasuke scoffed, "Because I'm the only one he ever gives the mission to. Lately, it's all he's ever been giving me. I classify it as an A Rank because of its high failure rate."

"Naruto-dono must really trust you, Sasuke-sama. What is this A Rank mission?" asked Hinata.

Naruto entered the room with Konohamaru and other Konohan Jounins. He grinned broadly at his servants. Sasuke scowled back. Hinata started blushing the second she saw him room.

"Hello, Naruto-dono," she bowed.

"Hi Hinato. Hey, Baka. You up for a mission today?"

"No," replied Sasuke.

"Too bad. You're going anyway." Naruto stopped to think (wow! A rare sight!). "On the other hand, you haven't had much luck. You're probably so ugly that Lady Sakura is scared of you. Maybe it's time for someone new."

"A fresh face would be good," Sasuke agreed quickly. "Gives Ino a chance to acquaint with some other Konohan guys."

"Okay! It's decided! You'll go, Hinato!" announced Naruto. "Congratulations!" He walked up to her and shook her hand.

"Um… go where?" asked Hinata, blushing even more at having Duke Naruto so close.

"This is a totally important mission that Sasuke-baka always fails," explained Naruto. "See, there's this girl- hey, are you okay, Hinato? You're face is so red. Are you sick?" he put a hand on her forehead.

"Oh, no, I'm fine. Really." Hinata took a step back, feeling like she was going to faint.

"If you say so. Well, there's this girl named Lady Sakura who lives on the other side of town. I want you to go and talk me up." Naruto told her.

"Pardon?" Hinata wasn't sure she heard right.

"Tell her lots of really good things about me. She's so hot! I have to have her as my girlfriend! Sasuke-baka always fails, but I know you won't! I'm counting on you, Hinato!" Naruto told Hinata.

Hinata nodded. "As you wish, Naruto-dono."

"Good. Glad to see _someone_ following instructions." Naruto looked pointedly at Sasuke. Sasuke scowled again. "Anyways, Hinato, you might be turned away at the gate, but just be really persistent and they'll let you in eventually. That's what Baka tells me. He's got plenty of tips, so just ask him. Good luck, Hinato!"

Sasuke was grinning as he wrote down Sakura's address. Handing it to her, he bowed and said, "Have fun, Hinato. And if Ino tries to feel you up, just endure it until it's over. Man, if there ever was a pushy girl, it's her!"

"I'll do my best, Naruto-dono!" Hinata bowed again, but thought to herself, "Oh no! I have to flirt for Naruto-dono even though I like him! How will this turn out?"


	5. Chapter 5: Act 1 Scene 5

**Act I Scene V**

Ino, Kiba the Clown and his Royal Jester-dog Akamaru were in Lady Sakura's palace. Ino was scolding Kiba.

"Where were you?" she demanded.

"None of your business," Kiba replied, trying towalk past her.

"Tell me! Or else I'll tell Lady Sakura you went out without permission again!" Ino threatened, brandishing a kunai.

"_Oooh I'll tell Lady Sakura!"_ Akamaru barked. Kiba laughed.

"Well, I will!" Ino said angrily. She didn't understand what Akamaru said, but she knew it couldn't be flattering.

"Calm down, Ino. You need to relax," Kiba rolled his eyes.

"If I tell Sakura, she'll totally fire you!" Ino said smugly.

"That's fine. It's still summer, and I'm so awesome I'll get a job in no time!" Kiba shrugged. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"I think I hear Sakura coming," Ino said, perceiving footsteps. "You'd better show some respect."

Lady Sakura entered the room with her steward, Rock Lee. She had a very sad expression on her face. Ino and Kiba both bowed at her entrance.

"Hello, Lady Sakura! How are you, m'lady? You look so lovely!" Kiba gushed, winking at Ino. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Don't bother her, baka! She's sad!" Lee snarled.

"Why?" asked Kiba.

"My hair!" Sakura wailed, running her fingers through her short, pink locks. "It used to be so long and beautiful! Then that stupid idiot baka Naruto comes along and 'accidentally' chops it all off with a kunai!"

"Naruto was demonstrating his 'fighting skills' for her and his kunai flew out of his hand." Ino hissed to Kiba.

"Well, don't cry, Sakura-dono. It'll grow back," Kiba assured her. Sakura just howled louder.

"I'm outta here," Ino grumbled, exiting.

"Don't bother Sakura-dono, you lowly fool!" Lee yelled at Kiba, hugging Sakura. He kept on shouting insults at the poor clown.

"Oh, you're so full of yourself, Lee! Don't be so mean!" Sakura finally pulled away. Ino came back.

"Sakura-dono, there's a guy at the door that wants to see you," she announced.

"From Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know. I think so. Naruto usually sends Sasuke-kun. Why didn't he do it this time?" Ino pouted.

"Why didn't you bring him in?" asked Sakura.

"Your cousin Chouji won't let him in," explained Ino.

"Go get him," commanded Sakura. Ino obeyed. "Go see what the person at the door wants. If he's from Naruto, make him leave," Sakura told Lee. He exited as well. Sakura turned to Kiba. "Stop ditching duty. Everyone's tired of it."

Kiba rolled his eyes. Chouji entered the room.

"Cousin Chouji! Half drunk, and being disrespectful to my guests! Didn't Uncle Chouza raise you right?" Sakura shook her head. "Who's at the gate, anyway?"

"Some dude," Chouji burped.

"Who?"

"I don't know. I don't care. I need food." Chouji walked out of the room.

"Go make sure he doesn't break anything," Sakura commanded Kiba. Kiba and Akamaru left. Lee returned.

"Sakura-dono, the man at the door wants to speak to you, but I told him no. I made many excuses, and a good _gentleman_ such as I would get the message and leave, but he remains stubborn. What shall we do?" asked Lee.

"Tell him I'm not talking to him." Sakura crossed her arms.

"Already did."

"What's he like?"

"Very rude. Unlike _me_."

"How much is he unlike you?"

"In almost every manner."

"Fine," Sakura sighed. "Let him in."

"Hai, Sakura-dono." Lee exited. Ino came back.

"Ino, give me my veil. I need to cover my face, and my _awful_ hair!" Ino handed her a very thick, black veil, and Sakura threw it over her head. A nervous, disguised Hinata stumbled into the room.

"Um… Lady Sakura… is she… can I talk…?" Hinata stuttered.

"I'll take the message," Sakura replied from behind the veil.

"Well, um… I was kind of hoping I could… um… speak to her in person?" Hinata asked.

"Where are you from?" Sakura asked.

"Around…" Hinata looked down at her feet. "I really wanted to talk to Lady Sakura… if it's no trouble…"

"Fine, fine." Sakura sighed. "I'm her. What do you want?"

"Keep it short. The Lady is busy." Ino commanded, sore at not seeing Sasuke.

"Well… I'm a messenger…"

"You must have bad news. You sure act like it." Sakura replied, "What's the message?"

"Um… it's sort of private, I think?"

"Fine. Ino, go away." Ino left. Sakura turned back to Hinata. "Go on."

"Well, um…" Hinata began.

"Who sent you?" asked Sakura.

"Duke Naruto," replied Hinata, blushing.

"Oh. I've heard it all, then. Anything else you want?" asked Sakura.

"Well, madam… I was hoping… could you…. can I… can I see your face?" Hinata blurted out. She was curious to see just how pretty Lady Sakura was.

"Well, aren't you bold?" Sakura remarked. "Do you have Naruto's permission? I doubt it, but I'll show you just the same." She took off her veil. "Am I pretty?"

"Yes," Hinata blushed, realizing her own shortcomings in looks.

"Glad you think so. Were you sent to praise me, too?" asked Sakura.

"You know… Naruto-dono really likes you…" Hinata told Sakura.

"Whatever. I don't like him. Go back and tell him to stop bothering me," Sakura commanded.

"Yes, madam. But Naruto-dono really truly loves you… you're so very lucky…" she said the last bit more to herself. "Farewell, madam." Hinata left.

"He's definitely interesting. I'd rather end up with him than Naruto." Sakura contemplated. She slipped her headband off. "I want to find out more about him. Lee!"

"At your service, Sakura-dono!" Lee rushed into the room.

"That idiot messenger left his headband behind. You know how important the headband is Konoha. Go give it back." Sakura held the cloth with the swirly leaf emblem in front of her. Lee, who did know of the headband's importance accepted it with both hands.

"I shall do as you bid, m'lady!" Lee saluted her and ran off.

"To steal another's headband is a horrible offence!" Inner Sakura cackled, rubbing her hands together. "Heheheh… now he _has_ to come back!"


	6. Chapter 6: Act 2 Scene 1

**Act II Scene I**

Two figures stepped onto the coast of Konoha. One was a girl with buns on either side of her head. The other was a guy with long hair and white eyes. Having just come out of a storm, they were both completely soaked. The girl was named Captain Tenten. And the guy was… surprise! Hinata's cousin Hyuga Neji!

"How long are you going to stay here, Neji? Do you want me to come?" Tenten asked her companion.

"No." Neji shook his head. "My luck is so bad that it'll ruin yours, too. I will accept my fate and bear my own burdens."

"At least tell me where you're going," requested Tenten.

"I don't know." Neji replied. "But my fate can't be as bad as my cousin's."

"You have a cousin?"

"Yes. Her name is Hinata. She must have drowned, just like I would have done if you hadn't come by and rescued me." Neji bowed in thanks.

"Oh, poor Hinata." Tenten said sympathetically. "What was she like?"

"We were born one year apart. She was really shy. It has been said that she looked a lot like me. She's been admired for her beauty as well as her brains. But now she's probably fish food." Neji shrugged. "Oh well. Too bad, so sad."

"I'm so sorry," Tenten told him. "If you want, I could help you out for a bit."

""No, I'm okay. I already owe you for saving my life." Neji sped up. "This is the Land of Konoha, ruled by Duke Naruto. I'm going to his court to find work. Farewell, Captain Tenten!"

"Duke Naruto, eh?" Tenten muttered thoughtfully. "I have a lot of enemies there. But I can't just leave him and watch him suffer at that imbecile's palace. Well, I'll just have to keep a low profile." At that, Tenten ran off to catch up to Neji.


	7. Chapter 7: Act 2 Scene 2

**Act II Scene II**

Hinata walked through the streets back to Naruto's mansion. After five minutes or so, she became conscious of a thick-browed male wearing green spandex following her. She stopped, unsure of what to do. What if he was a stalker? What if he wanted to kill her? Hinata started to panic.

"Hey, you! Aren't you Duke Naruto's messenger?" the fuzzy-browed stranger called out. Hinata nodded nervously. The stranger walked up to her, and dangled a headband in front of her face.

"What is this?" asked Hinata.

"My kind, gentle, beautiful Lady Sakura returns this headband to you. Stupid baka, forgetting an item as important as your Konohan headband! I'm Lee, by the way. Rock Lee, loyal steward to the beautiful Lady Sakura." Lee told Hinata proudly. "By the way, Lady Sakura doesn't want any of Naruto's servants to come courting her again. So leave her alone, you hear?" Lee thrust the headband into Hinata's hands.

"This isn't mine," Hinata tried to give it back.

"Look, the headband is the single most important piece of clothing for Konohan ninjas. Even high-ranking nobles like Duke Naruto and Lady Sakura only get one. To take one that is not yours is a serious offence. If we knew the owner of a lost headband, it is our responsibilities as Konohans to return it. So don't try to get Lady Sakura into trouble. Good-day, sir!" Lee bowed and left.

"But this isn't my headband," Hinata said, looking at the piece of cloth. "I'm sure of it. If what that weirdo Lee said was true, then I'll have to go and give it back to Sakura-dono. If the headband's so important, why would she just give hers to me?" Hinata's eyes widened, as she realized what was happening. "Oh no! She's fallen in love with 'Hinato'! The woman I compete against for Duke Naruto's attentions likes _me!_ What am I going to do?"


	8. Chapter 8: Act 2 Scene 3

**Act II Scene III**

"Oh man! My stomach hurts so much!" Chouji cried.

"You ate too much," muttered Shikamaru. "What a pain."

"But I love to eat! Eating, drinking, staying up all night and partying! It's what I live for, man!" Chouji declared.

"I live for drinking and being lazy," replied Shikamaru.

"So let's drink!" Chouji howled, clunking glasses with Shikamaru. Kiba the Clown and Akamaru entered the room.

"Here's the fool. What's up?" Shikamaru greeted him lazily.

"You should really show some restraint," Kiba told Chouji.

"Never! I live to eat!" Chouji stated.

"_No wonder he's so fat_," Akamaru told Kiba, and they both burst out laughing.

"_What did you say?_" Chouji glared at Akamaru.

"Hey, clown, why don't you do your job and entertain us?" asked Shikamaru idly.

"Yeah! Sing us a song!" yelled Chouji.

"Very well," Kiba cleared his throat.

"_Owareru youni isoi de iru_

_Kawai ta mune ga kari tateru no sa_

_dare no tame de naku dare no mono de naku_

_ore tachi no ima ga._"

"A better voice than I thought," complimented Shikamaru.

"Excellent!" declared Chouji.

"Lady Sakura didn't hire me for nothing," Kiba grinned.

"Let's sing together!" Chouji shouted.

"I'm not going to do something so troublesome," muttered Shikamaru.

"_Itami hodoki kokoro hodoki kage o hodoki_

_iki o tsunete hashiri nukero yami o saite_

_Tatakau kotomo aishi au kotomo_

_owari wa shinai! On the way!_

_I wanna rocks! Mune ni rocks!"_ Kiba and Chouji sang together.

"Would you shut up already!" cried Ino, running into the room.

"Don't be so uptight! Have some fun!" suggested Chouji.

"You're lucky Rock Lee didn't come! He'd totally have fun throwing you out!" answered Ino.

"Who cares about Lee?" scoffed Kiba. "That guy's so uptight he must've been born with a stick up his-"

"Shut up! Here he comes!" Ino smacked him. And indeed, Lee entered the room.

"_What do you think you're doing? You should be ashamed!_" Lee roared. "_Have you no manners! Every since you invited yourselves to my beautiful Lady Sakura's house, no one here has had so much as a **moment** of peace!"_

"Calm down," scoffed Shikamaru.

"Sir Chouji! Even though you are my lady's relative, that is still no excuse for your behaviour!" Lee turned to Chouji. "If you don't stop, I'm kicking you out!"

"Here we go…" muttered Ino.

"Ino! If you were really loyal to my dainty lady, you wouldn't join them! You would not be participating in such uncivil behaviour!" Lee scolded Ino. "And F.Y.I, fair Lady Sakura is much, _much_ prettier than you, Ino-pig."

"_Excuse_ me?" Ino gaped at his retreating, spandex-clad back.

"You heard him," shrugged Chouji.

"I came here to _tell you off_, and he thinks I'm _joining_ in 'such uncivil behaviour'!" shrieked Ino. "And Sakura is so _not _prettier than me!"

"What ever you say…" muttered the three males.

"That's it! How dare that bushy brow! I am so going to teach him a lesson!" announced Ino.

"What are you going to do?" asked Chouji.

"I know that he has a crush on Lady Sakura. _So_ I'll make him think that Sakura likes him back, and totally embarrass him!" Ino proclaimed with a glint in her eyes.

"Count me in! I smell an excellent plot!" Chouji cheered. "Are you in, Shikamaru?"

"This is going to be a pain. But that Rock Lee is even more troublesome," sighed Shikamaru. "Fine."

"It's late. Akamaru and I are going to bed. Knock yourself out," Kiba encouraged Ino, exiting.

"Oh, I will! I definitely will!" Ino chucked, her eyes shining like stars.

* * *

**Note: **The song Chouji and Kiba sing is the first opening theme from Naruto, "ROCKS" by Hound Dog.


	9. Chapter 9: Act 2 Scene 4

**Act II Scene IV**

"Music!" Naruto commanded. Immediately, the Konohan band started playing.

"Traditional music in the summer. It brings an air of romance, no?" Konohamaru asked.

"What? Sure," Naruto shrugged, slurping his ramen. "Too bad we don't have any good vocalists."

"I know a good one," said Konohamaru.

"Really? Who?" Naruto sat up.

"His name's Kiba, and he works for Lady Sakura."

"Ok! Shut up!" Naruto yelled. The music ceased. "Go find Kiba the Clown! And bring back Lady Sakura while you're at it."

"Hai!" Konohamaru and the Konohan musicians saluted Naruto. They all exited the room, leaving Naruto and Hinata alone.

"So, Hinato. How are things for you?"

"Um, me?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah. How's life? How's the world treating you? You're so young!"

"But we're the same age, Naruto-dono," replied Hinata.

"Yup, so young. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Um… no?"

"Someone as cute as you? Really?" Naruto patted Hinata on the back. "I've grown really fond of you, so I will give you some advise. Do you have your eye on anyone in particular?"

"Well, there is someone…" Hinata blushed furiously.

"What's she like?"

"About your age… your height and build… your colour of hair, your colour of eyes… your complexion… yeah," Hinata looked at Naruto shyly.

Naruto furrowed his brow in thought. "Well, here's my advice, Hinato."

"Yeah?"

"Not your type."

"Duke Naruto! We have returned!" Konohamaru announced. "And we have brought the clown!"

"What do you want?" asked Kiba. "And make it a short song. Dinner's on in ten minutes, and we're having chicken tonight." Both Akamaru and Chouji licked their lips.

"How about that one song, what's it called… 'Haruka Kanata?'" Naruto suggested.

"Fine. Are you ready?" The musicians went to their places and nodded. Kiba cleared his throat.

"_Fumikomu ze akuseru kakehiki wa nai sa sou dayo!_

_yoru wo nukeru_

_nejikomu sa saigo ni sashihiki zero sa sou dayo!_

_hibi wo kezuru_

_kokoro wo sotto hiraite gyutto hiki yosetara!_

_todoku yo kitto tsutau yo motto sa aa!_

_iki isoide shiboritotte!_

_motsureru ashi dakedo mae yori zutto sou tooku he!_

_ubaitotte tsukandatte!_

_kimi janai nara imi wa nai no sa_

_dakara motto motto motto haruka kanata!_

_fumikomu ze akuseru kakehiki wa nai sa sou dayo!_

_yoru wo nukeru_

_nejikomu sa saigo ni sashihiki zero sa sou dayo!_

_hibi wo kezuru_

_kokoro wo sotto hiraite gyutto hiki yosetara!_

_todoku yo kitto tsutau yo motto sa aa!_

_iki isoide shiboritotte!_

_motsureru ashi dakedo mae yori zutto sou tooku he!_

_ubaitotte tsukandatte!_

_kimi janai nara imi wa nai no sa_

_dakara haruka kanata!_

_Itsuwaru koto ni nareta kimi no sekai wo_

_nuritsubusu no sa shiroku shirou."_

"You were right, Konohamaru! He's excellent! Here's your reward!" Naruto tossed him some money.

"Wow! That's a lot!" Kiba counted the bills happily. "Thank you duke! I'll be back for more!" Kiba bowed and exited.

"Hey, can you guys give us some alone time?" Naruto asked Konohamaru and the other Konohans, who obeyed.

"Now, about that lady of yours, Hinato," Naruto turned to Hinata with a serious look in his eyes. "She's not your type. Believe me, I know these things. Why aren't you together yet?"

"Because… well…" Hinata blushed for like the 50th time that day.

"Aha! She won't return your love, right?"

"Um…"

"I knew it! You're young. Don't waste your time on someone who won't pay attention to you." Naruto nodded knowingly. "Plenty of fish in the sea."

"What about Lady Sakura? You're pretty persistent."

"Oh, that's because Sakura is the most beautiful woman in the world." Naruto waved his hand. "Trust me, your person doesn't even hold a candle to her. Take my advice. Find someone else. I'll see you later." Naruto left the room.

"Oh, Naruto-dono… if you only knew that it was you." Hinata sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Hi, Ino. How's your project coming along?" Shikamaru passed the angry maid on his way to the kitchen.

"Excellent! With this I will have revenge!" Ino revealed the fruit of her labour. It was a man-sized doll. Ino had put makeup on it, and fitted it with Sakura's outfit and a pink wig.

"Um… what is that, exactly?"

"It's Sakura!" Ino chirped. "It was a present from Kankurou of Sand, but I fixed it up to look like her. I'm going to sit this at the breakfast table. Lee comes early every morning, and I recorded Sakura professing undying love for him." Ino took out a tape recorder and pressed 'play'.

"_Oh, Lee! I can't live without you! I love you so much!_" A voice that was very obviously Ino's squealed.

"I always thought I sounded like her," Ino smirked. "Anyway, Lee will hug Sakura. Then, I'll press a button-" Ino took a remote control out, and pressed a big red button on it. Arms extended out of the puppet, and wrapped around itself. "Lee will be strangled to death! Oh, revenge is sweet!"

Shikamaru sweatdropped. "But Ino, it doesn't look or sound even _remotely_ like Lady Sakura!"

"Are you questioning my genius?" anger veins popped dangerously out of Ino's forehead. Shikamaru sighed.

"Can you write like Sakura?"

"Oh yeah! Sure!" Ino chirped. "I am multi-talented and so much prettier than her!"

"Let's walk," Shikamaru put an arm around Ino. "I see I have some things to teach you about effective scheming."


	10. Chapter 10: Act 2 Scene 5

**Act II scene V**

"Is it in place?" Shikamaru asked Ino. They were in Lady Sakura's garden.

"Yup!" Ino giggled. "I have to admit that you're pretty smart, Shikamaru!"

"Of course I am," Shikamaru crossed his arms.

"What's happening?" asked Chouji. "Why are we hiding behind a bush?"

"What did you want me to see so badly?" asked Shino, one of Sakura's servants.

"Oh, look at the time! I have to go do Sakura's hair! Let me know how it turns out, okay?" Ino dashed away to the main house.

"How what turns out?" asked Chouji.

"Shhh! Here he comes!" Shikamaru hissed. Sure enough, Lee came waltzing into the garden, doing the daily inspections.

"Oh yeah! I am so awesome! I am the best!" Lee was bragging to himself.

"Very full of himself, isn't he?" Shino whispered.

"Everyone loves me! I'm such a chick magnet! All of Sakura's maids love me! Especially Ino!"

"Arrogant son of-" Shikamaru snarled.

"Keep it down!" Chouji reprimanded him.

"But Lady Sakura loves me the most! Oh, someday soon, I will be Count Rock Lee!" Lee sighed.

"I'm going to kill him!" Chouji announced, taking out a shuriken.

"Don't be so hasty!" Shikamaru stopped him.

"You wanted me to watch Rock Lee brag about himself?" Shino asked in disbelief. "I'll pass. I'm leaving."

"Wait!" Shikamaru hissed.

"Oh? What's this?" Lee came across a tightly rolled scroll lying on the ground.

"Let the fun begin," Shikamaru murmured.

"Hey, this is Lady Sakura's writing. Who would dare throw a letter from her away!" Lee continued talking to himself. He opened the scroll.

"It's working, it's working," Shikamaru grinned giddily.

"_To the nosy idiot who's reading this letter…_just like what gentle, beautiful Lady Sakura would say!" Lee began reading the letter out loud.

"He must've been a real pain during silent reading time," Shino observed.

"_There is someone I really love. Who is this special man that makes me ill? He is beautiful, he's sent from above. But no one must ever know how I feel_… love! Who is it? Could it possibly be… me?" Lee clutched his heart.

"Yeah, right." Chouji snickered.

"_I am his boss, and over him I rule. I boss him around a lot. The pain I feel when I don't see him is cruel. The letters R, E, O and L are always in my thoughts."_

"I didn't know Ino was a poet," whispered Shino.

"She's not," Shikamaru answered. "I am."

"R, E, O and L… I have those letters in my name," said Lee.

"Bravo for learning how to spell," mumbled Shino.

"Now it's getting interesting," hissed Chouji.

"Keep watching, keep watching," Shikamaru urged them.

"R, E, O and L… could it be me? Look, there's more. _If the one that I love has managed to get this letter, then you are not a nosy idiot. Some people are born with favourable circumstances, and some work their way up. Some are given favourable circumstances, so don't be afraid of greatness. If you love me too, you'll do this to me. Be rude to my relatives, and even ruder to my servants. Be insensitive and inconsiderate, and smile a lot. Dress in an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini. Don't be a steward on the same level as the other servants. I'll be watching you. Love, a very beautiful, but very unhappy lady."_

Lee read it out loud a few more times. "Hmm… why's 'beautiful' crossed out? No matter. I know for certain it's me! I'm going to do everything she told me to! I'm going to be rude to everyone! I'm going to be insensitive! I'm going to be inconsiderate! I'm going to smile! I'm going to go shopping for a bikini! And smile while I'm doing it! Oh, Lady Sakura, our day has finally come!" Lee dashed away, clutching the scroll to his chest.

"Success!" Shikamaru burst out of the bush, laughing madly.

"Immature, but a good plan," Shino agreed, following him.

"You're a genius!" Choujichirped, joining his friends.

"I know!" Shikamaru yelled, high-fiving him.

"Here comes the accomplice," Shino proclaimed.

"What happened? Did it work?" Ino asked eagerly.

"Of course!" Shikamaru yelled.

"_Yeeeeee! I knew it! You're a genius! I could marry you right now, Shikamaru!_" Ino shrieked, hugging Shikamaru.

"Couldn't have done it without you!" Shikamaru answered.

"Awwww. Kodak moment," grinned Chouji.

"So where's the idiot now?" asked Ino.

"Shopping for a bikini," laughed Shikamaru. "We should wait by the front door so we can see him when he comes back!"

"Definitely!" Ino agreed, following him. "Are you guys coming?"

"Of course we are!" Chouji ran after them.

"Wouldn't miss this for the world!" concurred Shino.


	11. Chapter 11: Act 3 Scene 5

**Act III Scene I**

"Hey, you're Hinato, aren't you? Did Duke Naruto send you again?" Kiba the Clown greeted the guest.

"Yes," Hinata nodded.

"Courting Lady Sakura yet again. She seems to be in a pretty bad mood lately, so you watch out," Kiba cautioned her. "Lady Sakura may look gentle, but she can certainly breathe fire when she's mad. Trust me, I know,"

"Where can I find her?" Hinata wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

"Don't bother. She'll come eventually," Kiba sat down on a bench. "Come on, let's chat." Hinata sat down beside him.

"You're Kiba the Clown who came to Naruto-dono's palace the other day? You have a very nice voice. You could probably go professional," Hinata complimented him.

"Nah, being a jester's good enough for me. It's fun, and I get to fool around all day," Kiba started juggling some flowerpots that were lying around. "It's a good life, isn't it, Akamaru?"

"_Yes indeed!_" Akamaru agreed.

"I get the feeling that Lady Sakura's not that interested in Naruto-dono," commented Hinata.

"Totally right," nodded Kiba. "I heard she'd marry Rock Lee before she goes out with Naruto!"

"Rock Lee? Is he the uptight steward?" asked Hinata.

"Yup. I might be the court's fool, but he's the real idiot," Kiba stopped juggling. "Ino's crew are planning something against him. If you stick around, you might see something funny."

"Hey guys!" Chouji yelled as he and Shikamaru entered the scene.

"Hi," Hinata answered.

"Naruto's servant, eh?" Shikamaru observed. "Coming to bug Sakura again?"

"This is my job. I have to eat, don't I?" replied Hinata.

"Hey, Hinato!" Sakura and Ino came into the garden.

"Oh. Naruto didn't send Sasuke." Ino seemed disappointed.

"All of you, go away," Sakura commanded. "I want to talk to Hinato alone."

"Bye!" Sakura's servants chorused, walking out of the guardian, but stopping at the corner to eavesdrop.

"So, Hinato. I see fate has crossed our paths again," Sakura attempted to take hold of Hinata's hand. She quickly wrenched it away.

"Um… yeah," Hinata replied nervously, putting some distance between her and Sakura.

"Are you here to visit me?" asked Sakura, moving closer to Hinata.

"S-sort of… D-duke Naruto sent me…" Hinata stuttered, moving away.

"Oh, who cares about him!" exclaimed Sakura. "I can't hold it in anymore, Hinato! I love you!" Sakura caught Hinata in an uncomfortable embrace.

"Oh… oh no…" Hinata whimpered.

"I've loved you ever since I laid eyes on you! So young, so vibrant! You're so handsome!" Sakura exclaimed.

"I'm the same age as you…" Hinata pointed out.

"Oh, such a beautiful man! You take my breath away!" Sakura continued.

"…Sakura-sama… can't breathe…" Hinata gasped out, finally breaking out of Sakura's hold.

"I know that we belong together! Can't you feel it in the air?" Sakura proclaimed.

"No! I don't like women and I never will!" Hinata cried.

"Don't be silly! When should we have the wedding?" asked Sakura.

"Naruto-dono-loves-you-he-really-wants-you-to-be-his-girlfriend-and-by-the-way-here's-your-headband-back-I-have-to-go-bye!" Hinata tossed Sakura's headband at her, then ran away as fast as she could.

"Awww, look at that. He's shy." Sakura giggled. "He'll be back. I'm going to go brush my hair."


	12. Chapter 12: Act 3 Scene 2

**Note:** The last chapter is supposed to be _"Chapter 11: Act 3 Scene 1"..._ oops. O.O

**

* * *

**

Act III Scene II

"Did you see that?" Shikamaru griped in disbelief. "She was all over him! She couldn't keep her hands off that kid! That's it! I'm leaving!"

"Why would you do that?" asked Chouji.

"Isn't it obvious?" Shino rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.

"It was a fun stay, but some of us have a living to earn! My grass isn't going to mow itself, and the house won't clean itself either! I find them troublesome, but I'd rather get a head start on that than waste my time here! You may not be familiar with the word, Chouji, but I have _responsibilities!_" Shikamaru ranted.

"But I thought you _liked_ Lady Sakura!" Chouji objected.

"I do! However, she _obviously_ prefers Naruto's message-boy over me!" Shikamaru started off towards his guestroom. "I'm going to go pack."

"Wait, Shikamaru! Sakura _does_ like you; she just doesn't show it as prominently her crush on Hinato! And it's just a crush! You're the real thing, _love!_ Her crush will blow over in a few months! Stay! She totally likes you! Tell him, Shino!" Chouji protested.

"She does like you more than us…" Shino agreed.

"I told you! I'm _not_ wasting my time!" Shikamaru snarled.

"Is it Hinato? Does he intimidate you? It's just a little competition. Why don't you go pick a fight with him, then? Show him who's boss!" Chouji encouraged his friend.

"Chouji, I am _not_ going to do something so troublesome!" Shikamaru growled.

"Why? Are you scared?" Shino asked wryly.

"Chicken! Chicken!" Chouji teased him.

"I am _not_ scared of that scrawny little runt! I am _not_ a chicken!" Shikamaru argued.

"Prove it, then! Prove that you're a man!" Chouji egged him on.

"Fine! Where's that little lawn gnome? I'm going to find and beat the snot out of him!" Shikamaru rolled up his sleeves. "But catching him off guard would be like cheating. I guess I'll go and write that pipsqueak a note so I don't _totally_ destroy him."

"You go, Shikamaru!" Chouji slapped his friend on the back as he went indoors.

"You really want him to marry your cousin, don't you?" commented Shino.

"Hell yeah! Best friend marries rich cousin, easy livin' for me!" Chouji grinned.

"But don't you think you're going a little too far with the fight?" asked Shino.

"Don't worry. Shikamaru may talk big, but he's a total wimp," Chouji assured the servant.

"And his opponent doesn't seem like an experienced shuriken-wielder either," agreed Shino.

"Guys, guys, you _have_ to come see this!" Ino dashed into the scene.

"See what?"

"Earlier, I saw Lee at the mall, going into the change room with a whole _rack_ of bikinis! A second ago, I saw him coming down the street, and guess what he's wearing?" Ino shrieked with glee.

"Is it itsy bitsy and teeny-weeny?" asked Chouji.

"Is it yellow, polka-dotted and two piece?" guessed Shino.

"_Correct!"_ Ino giggled.

"Come on, he must almost be at the front door by now! Let's go watch!" Ino raced inside.

"Hell yeah!" Chouji ran after her.

"I wonder what Sakura will say when she sees him?" Shino wondered, following them.


	13. Chapter 13: Act 3 Scene 3

**Act III Scene III**

"You really didn't have to come with me." Neji told Tenten.

"I couldn't ditch you either. You already went through too much," responded Tenten.

"Since you did, thanks," said Neji. "You said that you know this place? Can you give me a tour?"

"Later. I'll go find a place to stay," said Tenten.

"I'm not tired yet. Let's take a look first."

"Okay, here's the thing," Tenten sighed. "I'm a wanted woman here. I did some things, pissed Duke Naruto off, etc, etc., so it's better if I don't show my face that much."

"What did you do? Did you slay a whole army or something?"

"No! I used be a thief, okay? His servant Konohamaru went shopping every week, and I used to pick their pockets. One day, Konohamaru caught me. He told Naruto, and Naruto made exiled me." Tenten rolled her eyes. "And that's why I live a miserable life in a boat."

"Exiling you just for that? He really is an idiot!" Neji exclaimed.

"Not so loud!" Tenten hissed. "One of his servants might hear you!"

"I'll go see the city by myself. Don't draw too much attention to yourself, okay?"

"Gotcha. There's an inn near the south called The Toad. I'll go book us rooms there. Here's my wallet," Tenten gave Neji her wallet.

"What's this for?" Neji asked.

"I know you don't have any money right now, but if you see something you like, don't hesitate to buy it. It's fine, I can always get more," Tenten assured Neji when he tried to give it back. "So we'll meet up at the inn in, say, an hour?"

"Fine."

"Bye! Have fun touring!"


	14. Chapter 14: Act 3 Scene 4

**Act III Scene IV**

"Okay, so I invited Hinato over, he said that he's coming, but why wouldn't he? I'm so pretty, right? Right, Ino?" Sakura paced about the garden nervously. "Oh, I am so in love! I am pretty enough, aren't I?"

"Yup," Ino replied unenthusiastically.

"Oh, you're hopeless at flattery! Where's Lee?"

"He's coming. But I think he's gone crazy, m'lady," Ino sneered.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" asked Sakura.

"You'll see…" Ino giggled. "Look, here he comes!"

"M'lady. Pretty as usual," Lee bowed to Sakura, grinning like a maniac. Ino burst into laughter.

"Lee…" Sakura wanted to say something about his outfit, but quickly changed her mind. "Well, I sent you for a sad occasion. As you may know, I measure to see how much my hair grows everyday. It has only grown a total of 1.5 centimeters this month. Now, last month, it grew 2 centimeters, and the month before, 3, so the pattern seems to be that… Lee, are you even listening!"

"I could be sad, Lady, but looking at your lovely face always makes me happy. Did I mention how pretty you look today?" Lee grinned.

"I'm not pretty today! I'm just a freak with a big forehead who will never have long hair again!" Sakura bust into tears.

"But still pretty." Lee waggled his eyebrows.

"What's the matter with you! Can't you see I'm sad! You never act like this normally!" Sakura shrieked.

"Lee, just quit while you're ahead," Ino told him between giggles.

"You're just so amazingly beautiful!" Lee declared. "I look pretty good in my new clothes, too, don't I?"

"I don't have time for this…" muttered Sakura.

"Lady Sakura! The gentleman from Duke Naruto's is here!" Sakura's servant Iruka entered the room and announced.

"Good, take me to him. Ino, Lee is obviously not well. Go find Chouji and put him in charge of Lee," Sakura instructed and left with Iruka. Ino nodded, still giggling, and went to find Sakura's cousin.

"Oh yeah! I'm the man! She totally digs this outfit! She's totally fallen for me!" sang Lee as he danced around the room. "And now he's sending Chouji so I can be rude to him!" Ino came back with Chouji and Shino in tow. They took one look at Lee and burst out into laughter.

"Okay, okay, what'd Sakura want?" Chouji sniggered, wiping his eyes.

"What an idiot!" even Shino was crying in mirth.

"Go away, you losers! You're the idiots! Leave me alone!" Lee shooed them.

"You're in charge of him now, Chouji," said Ino. "Do whatever you want."

"Okay!" Chouji went and caught Lee by the ear.

"Ow! What's your problem!" Lee demanded. Chouji dragged him out of the room.

"Go to your room! I'll deal with you later!" he told him, slamming the door.

"You're all inferior pieces of meat!" Lee yelled through the door before stomping upstairs. Shino, Chouji and Ino all laughed for another good five minutes.

"So what are you going to do with him, Chouji?" asked Ino.

"You know that room in the basement that doesn't have any windows or working lightbulbs?" said Chouji.

"The one that's infested with rats?" recalled Ino.

"It had an outbreak of cockroach infestation last year, didn't it?" added Shino.

"Yeah. I hear that room calling Chouji's name. Sakura already thinks he's crazy, so I don't think she'll object," Chouji rubbed his hands together. "This is gonna be great!"

"I'm finished!" Shikamaru announced, entering the room. He waved a scroll he had in hand.

"Let's see," Chouji took it from him and unraveled it. "_To Hinato, Naruto's baka lapdog."_

"Very classy," Shino remarked sarcastically.

"_Keep your paws off Lady Sakura! I saw her first, and I like her more than you! We'll have a fight to determine who gets her. We'll duke it out when you depart from your next visit to Lady Sakura. Don't chicken out! Sincerely, Shikamaru_," read Chouji. "Good letter! You get straight to the point! I'll give it to him myself!"

"This is great timing. Hinato is visiting right now, so we should see him soon," said Ino.

"Go wait outside, Shikamaru. If you see him, draw your kunai and start fighting, okay?" Chouji pushed him out the door.

"I will! By the time this is over, you'll never call me a wuss again!" Shikamaru snarled, slamming the door behind him.

"Are you going to go find Hinato now?" asked Shino.

"Are you kidding me? My cousin will throw me out the second she hears about this! Besides, I bet Hinato would just ignore the letter, being the little know-it-all he is. No, I'll tell him, and call him a wimp if he doesn't participate. I want my entertainment!" decided Chouji.

"Here he comes," said Shino.

"Let's go hide. We'll tell him when Sakura leaves," said Chouji.

"We still have to talk about our wedding plans, Hinato," Sakura twittered happily, hanging onto Hinata's arm.

"Um… Naruto-dono really likes you… it would break his heart…" Hinata was still hard at work trying to convince Sakura.

"Here's a scroll for you. It's my portrait. Keep it." Sakura took a decorative scroll off the mantelpiece.

"But he really loves you!" Hinata cried.

"Pffft. I hate him! He is so gross! I have to go measure my hair again, so I'll see you tomorrow," Sakura hugged Hinata. "Remember, we belong together!" She left the room. Hinata shuddered.

"Hello, Hinato!" Chouji and Shino reentered the room.

"Oh, hi," Hinata bowed.

"You seem like a bigshot that can take care of himself in a fight," said Chouji.

"Oh, no, you're completely wrong!" Hinata blushed, shaking her head vigourously. "I'm nothing like that!"

"Have I got the deal for you! My cousin is really popular, so she has many admirers. Many of them won't take your engagement to her lying down. One of them is offering you a challenge. Why don't you go fight him?" offered Chouji.

"No, I couldn't," Hinata declined.

"Why not? Are you a wuss?"

"…Yes."

Chouji and Shino exchanged looks of disbelief.

"Who is he, anyway?" asked Hinata.

"Oh, he's a Jounin who can use anything as a weapon, and use them effectively, too! The path behind him is paved with corpses, and everyone he goes, he leaves behind a scene of massacre! He is a shinobi to the very core! He wouldn't even think twice about slaying his own flesh and blood!" Chouji bragged.

"Sabaku no Gaara?" Hinata paled.

"No, but he's just as talented!" fibbed Chouji. "He won't take no for an answer! You'll accept? Good! Go with Shino while I get him, okay? We'll meet you outside!" Chouji dashed off. He found Shikamaru waiting by the front door.

"He's a demon, Shikamaru. I tested his skill, and he almost broke my arm. His skill rivals Gaara's," Chouji hissed to Shikamaru.

"Oh, great! What did you get me into? I'm too young to die! I want out!" Shikamaru decided.

"Well, you can't. He wants your blood. Shino can barely hold him back. He wants to fight, Shikamaru," lied Chouji.

"I thought he was a total wimp! If I die, you're getting the funeral bill!" Shikamaru punched Chouji.

"We're here," announced Shino, coming out the front door with Hinata.

"I want a word with Shino before this starts," said Chouji. He and Shino reentered the house.

"So? Is he ready?" asked Chouji.

"He's scared half to death and practically wetting himself, but other than that, sure," replied Shino.

"It'll have to do. I want my entertainment, and I want it now! Shikamaru beat Hinato for sure. He's a better fighter than he lets on," shrugged Chouji. They re-exited the house. Shikamaru and Hinata was eyeing each other nervously.

"Shino, I really, really don't want to do this," Hinata whispered to the servant.

"You'll do fine," Shino assured Hinata. Shikamaru and Hinata were both guided onto the road.

"Okay. Let's start," Shikamaru took out some shuriken, and Hinata did the same. Shikamaru threw one at her.

"Stop!" a kunai flew over and knocked it down. Tenten entered the scene.

"Who are you?" demanded Chouji.

"What do you think you're doing! I'm responsible for this man! Why are you picking on a poor stranger? Leave him alone!" Tenten yelled at Shikamaru. In that moment, he honestly thought she looked just like an ogre. "Put your weapons back!"

"Okay! Okay!" Shikamaru quickly obeyed.

"Oi! It's her!" someone shouted from down the street.

"The police are coming," Shino informed them.

"Crap!" Tenten yelled. "Gotta run! See ya!"

"Hold it right there!" Officers Asuma and Kurenai, who were on duty at that moment, stopped her.

"Tenten, I arrest you for trespassing in a land you were exiled from!" Asuma declared, snapping handcuffs around her wrists.

"Wait! You've got the wrong person!" Tenten protested.

"Naruto made a huge fuss about you. We'd know your face anywhere!" said Kurenai.

"You're busted. Promotions for us!" added Asuma. "Come on, let's go. Off to prison with you!"

"Before they take me away, can I have my money back?" Tenten asked Hinata.

"What?" Hinata blinked.

"The_ money_ I _lent_ you," Tenten reminded her. "Come on! You can't have forgotten!"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have no idea what you're talking about. I appreciate your kindness in stopping me from getting hurt, but I don't know who you are!" declared Hinata.

"Oh. So that's how it is." Tenten frowned at her. "I salvage your miserable existence from the sea, risk my life to accompany you here and give you plenty money so that you can enjoy your stay here. But you won't even give back the wallet I lent you! Some friend you are, Hyuga Neji!"

"Let's go!" said Asuma.

"Fine! Good-bye, you traitor!" Tenten glared venomously at Hinata, and left with Officers Asuma and Kurenai.

"Wait… did she call me Neji? Is he… could it be possible that he's still alive?" gasped Hinata.

"Shall we continue?" asked Chouji.

"No way! My brother's alive! I'm going to find him!" Hinata dashed away.

"He is to Sabaku no Gaara as you are to Twiggy!" Shikamaru spat at Chouji.

"So he was a little more of a coward than I expected," shrugged Chouji.

"If he's not a coward, nothing is! You had me frightened half to death for nothing!" Shikamaru smacked Chouji.

"At least you know you can beat him," Shino offered.

"Damn right I can! I'm going to hunt him down and give him the beating of his life!" Shikamaru announced, starting off towards the direction Hinata went.

"This is going to be fun," Chouji snickered as he and Shino followed Shikamaru.


	15. Chapter 15: Act 4 Scene 1

**Act IV Scene I**

Kiba the Clown walked through the streets of Konoha with Akamaru perched on his shoulder.

"Stupid lazy idiots," he grumbled to Akamaru. "Why do I have to go look for Hinato? It's not like they don't have any time." Akamaru barked in agreement. He barked again when he suddenly caught sight of a pale boy with long, black hair walking along the other side of the street.

"There he is!" Kiba saw him, too. He hopped over to the boy, stopping in front of him. "Found you!"

"Can I help you?" of course, the boy actually _was_ a boy. It was none other than Neji.

"Hmmm, you smell funny today," Kiba noticed. "Wearing a different cologne?"

"What?" Neji took a few steps back. Akamaru noticed the change of scent, but since Hinata and Neji looked so alike, they chose to ignore it.

"They're looking for you, Hinato. Were you really so scared that you had to run away the second they turned their backs?" asked Kiba.

"What are you talking about? Who's Hinato?" Neji asked.

"Oh, look, here they are!" Kiba noticed three ninjas dashing towards their direction.

"Here's what you deserve, you wimp!" Shikamaru cried, punching Neji in the face.

"What's your problem!" Neji demanded, hitting him back.

"Shikamaru! Use your kunai!" Chouji called.

"I'm staying out of this. I don't need to get in anymore trouble with Lady Sakura," Kiba decided. He and Akamaru hopped away. Neji and Shikamaru still fought. Actually, it was more Neji beating Shikamaru up than a fight.

"Aren't you going to do something before you friend gets killed?" Shino elbowed Chouji.

"Hold on!" Chouji grabbed Neji by the collar.

"I don't need your help! I've got it under control!" Shikamaru panted, although he clearly didn't.

"Let go of me, you loser!" Neji pulled himself free.

"Leave my friend alone!" said Chouji, grabbing Neji's collar as if he had nothing to do with the fight.

"Don't touch me!" Neji punched Chouji in the face while simultaneously taking out some of his kunai.

"Ow! That's it! Now I'll kick some ass!" Chouji pulled out his kunai as well. Sakura charged in the scene.

"What's this? Chouji, don't you dare lay a finger on him!" Sakura hit Chouji furiously, causing a large bump to swell up on his cheek.

"Ow!" Chouji cried. "Why are you hitting your own cousin!"

"Ungrateful jerk! You start a fight with my fiancée when I fed you and took you in! Get out of my sight!" Sakura pointed down the street. "All of you! Go away! _Now!_"

"With pleasure," consented Shikamaru, holding his bloody nose.

"I'll get you!" Chouji pointed at Neji.

"Bye," Shino helped Shikamaru up and the three of them jumped away.

"Don't let them discourage you, darling fiancée," Sakura chirped, hugging Neji.

"Fiancée?" Neji was now definitely convinced that everyone in Konoha was crazy.

"Of course, Hinato! Now let's go put our names down for marriage!" Sakura took Neji's hand and started skipping down the street.

"Are you sure you're not sick? Who's Hinato?" Neji asked.

"You, silly! Of course I'm fine! Now let's get married!" Sakura shrieked with glee. She put on some speed and launched herself back to her house, dragging a bewildered Neji along.


	16. Chapter 16: Act 4 Scene 2

**Act IV Scene II**

"What is it, Ino? What do you want now?" Kiba asked the maid cautiously.

"Can you do something for me?" Ino requested. She brandished a mask and a hooded robe. "Pretend you're Sir Kakashi, the dungeons master. Go talk to Lee."

"Absolutely not!" Kiba refused.

"Oh come on! Don't be such a baby! You'll look so awesome in it!" Ino forced the robe over Kiba's head. She stepped back to examine him. "Wonderful! I'll go get Chouji while you make yourself a little more Kakashi-like, okay?" Ino threw the mask at Kiba and went off to find Chouji. Akamaru laughed at Kiba.

"Oh, shut up. I know I look like a total loser," Kiba examined himself in the mirror. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"We're back!" Ino sang.

"Wow! You look just like Kakashi!" Chouji declared, slapping the mask onto Kiba. "A little too short, maybe, but Lee will never be able to tell the difference in the dark."

"All set? Okey-dokey! Let's go!" Ino and Chouji dragged Kiba down to the basement. They pushed him in front of the door to the room Lee was confined. There was a small slot on the door where Kiba could talk to Lee.

"Yo, Lee! Sir Kakashi's here to see you!" Chouji called.

"Kakashi-sensei? Is that really you?" Lee asked weakly, peeking out of the slot.

"Sure?" Kiba pitched his voice like Kakashi's. He and Akamaru exchanged strange looks.

"Oh, finally, someone kind is here!" Lee cried.

"Yeah…" Kiba and Akamaru exchanged funny looks again. "Anyways, Lee, is there anything you want?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei, sir! Go to Lady Sakura, Kakashi-sensei!" Lee cried.

"Why?" asked Kiba.

"Do you ever think of anything else?" Chouji demanded.

"No. I want to write her a letter! I want to prove I am not insane! It's just so cold and clammy and horrible down here! I want to get out of here!" Lee cried.

"Okay, okay," Kiba took pity on him. "Chouji, get him a light, a pen and a scroll. I'll deliver your letter."

"No way!" Chouji and Ino both showed their objections.

"Look, this prank was fun, but now it's gone too gar," Kiba took them aside. "We might get in trouble for it. Just let him write a letter, and we'll put this all behind us. Do you want to get kicked out, Chouji? Do you want to get fired, Ino?"

"I see your point," Ino agreed. She handed a key, candle, pen and scroll to Kiba. "You stay with him and let him write. We're leaving."

"But Ino…" Chouji whined.

"Good-bye!" Ino grabbed Chouji's cheek and dragged him back upstairs. Kiba opened Lee's door, delivered the materials, and shut it again. There was silence for a few minutes, only punctuated by sounds of a pen scribbling.

"Lee? Do you want me to sing you a song?" asked Kiba.

"I didn't know you could sing, Kakashi-sensei," replied Lee.

"Of course I can! I am the best!" Kiba proclaimed. "Listen!"

"We are Fighting Dreamers Takami wo mezashite

Fighting Dreamers Narifuri kamawazu

Fighting Dreamers Shinjiru ga mama ni

Oli Oli Oli Oh-! Just go my way!

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!

Buttakitteku ze Get the fire!

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!"

"It's fine. You don't have to," Lee assured him.

"No, no! Just listen!" Kiba cleared his throat.

"Kewashii shura no michi no naka Hito no chizu wo hirogete doko e yuku?

Gokusaishoku no karasu ga Sore wo ubaitotte yaburisuteta

Saa kokoro no me Mihiraite Shika to ima wo mikiwamero! Yeah!

Ushinau mono nante nai sa Iza mairou!

We are Fighting Dreamers Takami wo mezashite

Fighting Dreamers Narifuri kamawazu

Fighting Dreamers Shinjiru ga mama ni

Oli Oli Oli Oh-! Just go my way!

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to concentrate on my letter…" Lee began.

"I'm not done yet!' Kiba yelled.

"Oto wo tatezu shinobiyoru kage ga Itsumo bokura wo madowaseru

Yuugenjikkou Ooki na kaze ga Uneri wo agete fukiareru

Kazashita surudoi katana de Onore no asu Kirihirake! Yeah!

Hoshou nante Doko ni mo nai sa Naa Sou daro?

We are Fighting Dreamers Takami wo mezashite

Fighting Dreamers Narifuri kamawazu

Fighting Dreamers Shinjiru ga mama ni

Oli Oli Oli Oh-! Just go my way!

"Please! I am trying to write!" Lee interrupted him.

"Wait! I'm almost done!" Kiba replied.

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!

Buttakitteku ze Get the fire!

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!

Buttakitteku ze Get the fire!

We are Fighting Dreamers Kono nakama-tachi to

Fighting Dreamers Subete wo makikomi

Fighting Dreamers Kokorozashi Takaku

Oli Oli Oli Oh-!

We are Fighting Dreamers Takami wo mezashite

Fighting Dreamers Narifuri kamawazu

Fighting Dreamers Shinjiru ga mama ni

Oli Oli Oli Oh-! Just go my way!"

"I'm done!" announced Lee, slipping the scroll through the crack.

"Okay! I'll give it to the Lady! Have a good day!" Kiba grinned. Singing always put him in a good mood.He continued the song on his way out.

"Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!

Buttakitteku ze Get the fire!

Right here Right now! Bang!

Buppanase Like a dangan LINER!

Right here Right now! Burn!

Buttakitteku ze Get the fire! Bam!"


	17. Chapter 17: Act 4 Scene 3

**Act IV Scene III**

Neji paced around Sakura's garden. Sakura had gone off to find the priest, locking him in her yard.

"Okay, everyone here's crazy. I have to stay calm. I went to look for Tenten earlier, but she wasn't at The Toad. I'm kind of worried, what if she got into trouble? No, she's smart, she can defend herself. She probably went out looking for me. Yeah, that's it! I gotta stop worrying, and most of all, I've _got_ to stop talking to myself!" Neji stopped pacing. "Who is this Sakura person, anyway? She's really pretty and rich, but so annoying! Definitely not my type! Damn, I've got to get outta here! And definitely stop talking to myself! Crap! Here she comes!"

"Hey, Hinato-_kun_!" Sakura squealed. She entered the garden with a priest wearing tight green robes following her.

"My name's _Neji_," Neji corrected her.

"No, silly, it's Hinato! Look who I found! I found a priest! Hinato, this is Maito Gai. Priest Gai, my fiancée Hinato! Let's get married!" Sakura giggled.

"Nothing warms my heart more than youthful love!" Gai gave the couple a thumbs up and his trademark shiny grin.

"I know! You're so adorable!" Sakura tackled Neji in a hug.

"Oh, this matrimony burns with the flames of youth!" Gai cried, hugging them both.

Neji gagged in a very undignified fashion, elbowing both of them aside.

"I think I should leave now," Neji backed away slowly.

"No! We're meant to be together!" Sakura tackled Neji again. "I've known that since I first set eyes on you!"

"Youthful love! Is there anything sweeter than that?" Gai cried, embracing them both.

"Oh, priest! Marry us right now!" Sakura screamed.

"You don't have to ask!" Gai sobbed. "Ladies and gentlemen! We are gathered here today to-"

"I _really_ have to go." Neji interrupted him. "I'll see you later... or even better, never again. Good-bye!" he broke out of their clutches and ran away at top speed, crashing through Sakura's fence to get out.

"Awww… he's still _shy._" Sakura giggled.

"He burns with the passion of youth! I wish you a good marriage!" Gai and Sakura bowed, and went their separate ways.

* * *

Ok, I know this chapter was short… sorry. Only one more to go! But all of you already know who ends up with whom… or do you? Just keep reading!

**Note:** Zoro's name is spelt Zolo in the US manga.


	18. Chapter 18: Act 5 Scene 1

**Act V Scene I**

"So Lee wrote Sakura-sama a letter, huh?" Shino asked Kiba. Accompanied by Akamaru, they were hanging out in front of a forest by the beach. "What does it say?"

"It's sort of pathetic. I'd rather not share it," replied Kiba.

"Okay then," shrugged Shino.

Naruto, Hinata, Sasuke, Konohamaru and a bunch of other Konohan Jounins walked out of the forest and approached them.

"Hey, don't you work for Lady Sakura?" asked Naruto.

"Hi, Kiba-san and Shino-san," Hinata bowed politely.

"Hinato-kun, you're still working for Duke Naruto? Isn't that a little low for someone of your stature?" said Shino.

"Sakura doesn't want to talk to you," Kiba told Naruto.

"Go get Lady Sakura," commanded Naruto, tossing Kiba some money. "Fetch the love of my life! I'll give you more when you come back!"

"Hai!" Kiba and Akamaru eagerly caught the bills. They raced off to find the pink-haired lady.

Tenten walked by them, accompanied by Asuma and Kurenai.

"Here's the lady that saved my life. Arigatou gozaimasu," Hinata bowed politely.

"What's this all about?" Naruto asked the officers, pointing at Tenten rudely.

"Her name is Tenten, Naruto-dono. She robbed you some long time ago," Asuma reminded him. "We caught her participating in a fight."

"How can you not remember? You made a whole big fuss about making sure she was exiled, remember, Naruto-dono?" said Kurenai.

"Well, it was good of Tenten-san to help me," Hinata bowed again.

"Yeah, I remember now… how come you're back!" Naruto demanded.

"I was shipwrecked here. That ungrateful dog needed saving, so I kindly offered by services and money. Then, he betrays me the second I need _his_ help!" Tenten pointed at Hinata, the chains around her wrist rattling. "He wouldn't even give my wallet back!"

"What?" Hinata blinked.

"She lies! Throw her to the fish!" Naruto commanded.

"Pardon my boss's stupidity," Sasuke sighed. "When did you two come into town?"

"Just today. Although before that, I supported him for whole three months! We didn't spend _one second_ out of each other's sight!" Tenten stated. "Unless, you know, one of us had to use the bathroom or something."

"How is that possible? He's been my coworker for longer than that," Sasuke frowned.

Sakura, Ino, Kiba, Akamaru and Sakura's bodyguards exited the forest and entered the beach.

"Hey! Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned widely, waving.

"Oh. It's _you_," Sakura glowered at Naruto. "You told me that Hinato was here, Kiba!"

"And he is," Kiba pointed at Hinata. "I brought her. Hand it over," Kiba held his hand out.

"Very well," Naruto gave him some cash.

"Kiba! Naruto paid you to bring me here!" Sakura glowered at the clown.

"Hey, money makes the world go around," Kiba shrugged, waddling up the bills into little balls and juggling them. "I've got somewhere to be." He walked back towards the direction of Sakura's house.

"What do you want, Naruto?" Sakura demanded.

"Sakura-chan, I think we should be together," Naruto tried to hold Sakura's hand.

"Ugh! Get away from me, you disgusting idiot!" Sakura jumped back.

"But Sakura-chan, we'd be so happy together!"

"You always say the same thing, and my answer's the same! Leave me alone!" Sakura yelled.

"Sakura-chan!"

"_I hate you!_" Sakura shrieked.

"Fine!" Naruto crossed his arms. "You're so rude and I'm sick of it! There's plenty of other cute girls in Konoha who will appreciate me!" Hinata's ears perked up.

"Actually, there isn't…" Kurenai muttered matter-of-factly to Asuma.

"Come on, Hinato! Let's go!" Naruto turned to leave. Hinata bowed politely and started to follow him.

"Where are you going, Hinato-kun?" Sakura called after them.

Hinata shrugged, not wanting to talk to her.

"Come on, Hinato! Stay, my husband!" Sakura commanded.

Both Naruto and Hinata stopped in their tracks. They slowly swerved around, black and blue lines dancing down their faces. Naruto's forehead was decorated with a small anger mark, and Hinata had beads of sweat dripping down her face.

"H-hus…band?" Hinata squeaked.

"Husband!" Naruto gasped.

"Yeah. As in the love of my life, 'til death do us apart. You know, husband!" Sakura smiled dreamily.

"Hinato! Is this true!" Naruto demanded.

"Of course it is! Would I lie?" Sakura snapped.

"I can't believe you would take away the one I love; the one you helped me woo! So betrayal is your specialty, eh, Hinato? Enough of this! I'm going home!" Naruto started to leave again. Hinata raced after him.

"Where are you going, my love?" cried Sakura.

"After the only person I love!" Hinata spoke up. "No way we're married! I don't like women! The only person here I love is Naruto-dono!" Enter uncomfortable silence.

"Oh… wow…" Naruto finally spoke. "Um, it's really nice of you, Hinata… but I don't swing that way… on the other hand, Sasuke might…"

"Shut up, baka!" Sasuke and Ino both punched him.

"Of course we're married! You!" Sakura pointed at her one of her bodyguards, Anko. "Go get the priest Maito Gai!" Anko bowed and dashed away.

"It's not true, Naruto-dono! Don't believe anything she says!" Hinata pleaded.

"Don't be afraid of my high position, Hinato! I love you!" Sakura squealed. Anko returned with Gai in tow. "Look, here is the man who married us! Well, we're not married yet, but we can get married right now! Come on!" Sakura linked arms with Hinata. "Hit it, priest!"

"Dearly beloved!" Gai bellowed. "We are gathered to celebrate the union of Haruno Sakura and-"

"No! I don't like girls!" Hinata screamed, breaking out of Sakura's grasp. "Naruto-dono! I never betrayed you! Please believe me!"

"Where are you going!" Sakura grabbed onto Hinata's ponytail.

Of course, most of you will remember that Hinata's hair is not long enough make a ponytail. The people gathered on the beach soon realized that when Hinata took her place at Naruto's side, and Sakura was left holding a long, black wig. Everyone gasped. Shikamaru strolled out of the forest, holding his bleeding forehead.

"How troublesome. Why can't he get his own doctor?" he grumbled.

"Shikamaru! What happened?" Sakura gasped.

"Chouji got injured, and he sent me to get him a doctor," Shikamaru explained.

"Who did this?" Ino demanded, gently examining his forehead.

"Duke Naruto's messenger. We thought he was a coward, but we were clearly wrong," said Shikamaru.

"One of my men did this?" Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Sasuke! What did I tell you about attacking innocent villagers?"

"No, not Sasuke. Hinato. That one!" Shikamaru pointed accusingly at Hinata.

"Me? It couldn't be! I suck at fighting!" Hinata denied.

"Try telling that to that poor loser. Look, here he comes," Shikamaru observed. Indeed, Chouji stumbled out of the forest, with Kiba guiding him. His expression stated that he was drunk.

"Hey! What's wrong with you?" asked Naruto.

"That's the one… you hurt me… I'ma kick your ass…" Chouji slurred. "Hey Hinato you look a little different… funny…"

"He's very drunk, as you can see," both Kiba and Akamaru's lips curled in disgust.

"Yeah I am… I want food… where's my doctor Shika-kun?"

"Take him away! A disgraceful sight like that is not permitted at my wedding!" Sakura shrieked.

"I'm so drunk!" Chouji giggled.

"Good-bye!" Shikamaru grabbed one of Chouji's arms.

"Have fun!" Kiba told them, taking Chouji's other arm. With their combined effort, they were able to drag Chouji with them.

"Now that the barbarians are gone, let us resume the wedding!" declared Sakura.

"Do you, Hyuga Hinata, take Haruno Sak-"

"Tenten! I heard about what happened! Are you okay?" Neji rushed out of the forest.

"Who is this?" asked Ino.

"They're identical!" gasped Naruto.

"Neji?" Tenten addressed him warily.

"Tenten!" Neji ran to her side.

"But if you're Neji, who is that?" Tenten pointed at Hinata.

"Are you brothers?" asked Naruto. "You must be brothers!"

"Brother? I don't have a brother," Neji raised an eyebrow. "I have a cousin that sort of looks like me, but she drowned."

"Neji-nii-san?" Hinata ventured up to him.

"Hinata-sama?" Neji gasped. They stared at each other.

"Neji-nii-san! I thought you drowned! I'm so happy you're okay!" Hinata cried, hugging her cousin.

"I thought you drowned, too, but I guess not," Neji patted Hinata's back uncomfortably. He slowly pushed her away. "Um… not so close."

"Wait. You're telling me that Hinato, the man I love, is really a woman?" Sakura exclaimed. Everyone gasped.

"Well, my name's actually Hina_ta_," said Hinata.

"And I got engaged to her cousin?" continued Sakura. Everyone gasped.

"We didn't get engaged!" Neji protested.

"My trusted servant is really a girl?" shouted Naruto. Everyone gasped.

"…Yes." Hinata blushed.

"I guess so," shrugged Neji.

"Unbelievable! I am so embarrassed!" Sakura cried. Ino burst out laughing.

"Hinata! So you really are a girl! I _thought _you looked a little girly!" Naruto yelled. Hinata nodded, turning tomato-red. Kiba entered the beach again.

"Lady Sakura. Rock Lee has a letter for you," Kiba presented her with a scroll.

"What's this?" Sakura opened the letter and read it out loud. "_Dearest Sakura: Your sweet face makes me smile as I imagine you. I think of you everyday that I rot away in this horrible room. I don't understand why you sent me away after I followed the instructions of your letter, but I still love you more than ever. I love your beautiful smile, your luscious rose hair that will definitely grow back to all its glory, your gorgeous green eyes, your bright personality and your fiery determination. I am always thinking of you. Please think about me! Love, Rock Lee._"

"Ugh. Sickening." Ino made a face.

"What letter is he talking about? I didn't write him a letter." Ino giggled nervously. "Kiba, go get Lee," Sakura told him. Kiba bowed and went to fetch him.

"You really are a girl. You're sorta cute. Wanna go out?" Naruto asked. Hinata turned purple but managed a small nod.

"Wait! I'm not giving you the hand of my kin so easily!" Neji interrupted. "You must prove your worthiness!"

"What do you want?" asked Naruto, pulling out his wallet.

"Free Tenten!" Neji told him.

"Done!" Naruto snapped his fingers. "You heard the man!" Asuma and Kurenai looked at each other, shrugged, and unshackled Tenten.

"Neji! You didn't betray me after all!" Tenten cried, hugging him.

"Sakura-sama!" Lee and Kiba came racing out of the woods.

"Lee… I read your letter…" said Sakura.

"And I read yours!" Lee gave Sakura the prank scroll. Sakura opened it and frowned.

"This isn't my writing, Lee. This is Ino's." Sakura read more of the letter. She reached over, took Ino's hair, and yanked on it.

"Ow!" Ino cried.

"What did you do!" Sakura demanded.

"We played a prank," Shikamaru reentered the scene supporting Chouji. "I take full responsibility for it."

"Doctor… get me…food," Chouji slurred.

"Chouji, Kiba and Shino were in on it, too," said Ino.

"How dare you bullies pick on my best employee!" Sakura was breathing fire.

"I take full responsibility. I'll accept whatever punishment you think is fit," Shikamaru bowed. Ino seemed impressed.

"No! All of you will be punished! All of you will work under Chouji!" Sakura decided. "Dismissed!"

Shikamaru, Shino, Kiba and Ino all groaned. Chouji was still too drunk to realize what was happening.

"How troublesome…" Shikamaru grumbled.

"It won't be so bad," Ino winked at Shikamaru, linking arms with him.

"Now that it's settled, back to business. Hinata, I don't like girls either, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience and embarrassment I caused you. Let's be friends," Sakura offered. Hinata agreed. "Neji, since we _did_ almost get engaged and all…"

"No way! Stay away from me, crazy woman!" Neji inched away from her as if she had leprosy. A ship came into view. Everyone watched as it docked. They could see five pirates on it. The Straw Hat Crew were battered and soaked to the bone, but their captain was as upbeat as ever.

"Hey, everyone! Hi, Hinata!" Luffy greeted them.

"I knew we were going the wrong way! We came _back_ to Konoha!" Nami snapped, jumping off the ship.

"As long as we're here, we could use some new crewmates. Does anyone want to come?" asked Sanji.

"Where are you going?" asked Neji.

"The Grand Line," announced Usopp.

"Where is it?" asked Tenten.

"Far away from here," answered Zolo. "It's filled with dangerous creatures and murderous pirates."

"Take me with you!" Neji jumped onto the ship. "Come on, Tenten! Let's get as far away from this place as we can!"

"One second. We have to get supplies," Tenten and Nami quickly swiped everyone's wallets and jumped on board.

"Okay! Good-bye, everyone!" Luffy waved at everyone and the ship set sail.

"Bye Hinata! I'll send you postcards!" Neji waved.

"Whatever," Sakura shrugged as she watched the ship disappear from sight. "Lee, thank you for complimenting me on my pretty green eyes. Let's have dinner tonight. As long as you change."

"Hai, Sakura-sama!" Lee saluted her, and ran off to change.

"Come on, Hinata. Let's go home," Naruto offered Hinata his arm, and they walked off, a beautiful beach sunset illuminated in the background.

**THE END**

It's done! I hope it was long enough! And so, the story ends with NaruHina and NejiTen: the most common pairings ever. Also some hints of ShikaIno and SakuLee, which are… rather common, too. I hope you enjoyed this story! It's been fun writing it! Thank you for reading! Bye'cha!


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